As a St. Paul funeral home, Mueller Memorial hopes to earn people’s business someday far in the future when the need arrives, but we would prefer not to serve any of you fine folks coming into town for the Big Game. So here are some handy (and very real) tips for surviving February in Minnesota.

Hooded Jacket
You wanna look good so you’re thinking “heck no” to wearing a hat and messing up your hair. Fine, that’s totally up to you (hello passive aggressive warning) but instead of heading out in -25 wind chill with a naked head, please for Pete’s sake, consider a winter jacket with a hood. It keeps the heat around your head and neck but isn’t so tight it messes up your hair. Win win.

Hand Warmers
Thanks to the exothermic oxidation of iron, these toasty little sachets of swelter only need to be opened from their package to begin to heat up. They’re cheap, take about 15mins to get warm, and fit nicely into mittens. Insider tip: they’re also a delight when shoved into the toe of your boot.

Minnesota > Wisconsin
For your safety, under no circumstances inform a Minnesotan that states outside the Midwest don’t know the difference between Minnesota and Wisconsin. This comment is offensive to hipsters, snowmobilers, politicos, soccer moms, indigenous people, snowmen, sports fans, immigrants, CEOs, loons, Iron Rangers, and literally everyone in between. Minnesota-Nice has its limits and calling us Wisconsin is a good way to test them.

How’s the Weather?
The biggest cliché is that we always talk about the weather here because it’s true, we do. Talking about the weather is how we stay alive: we need to know what’s coming. And we’re Minnesota-nice because if we’re not nice and help each other out the weather, in any season, could kill us. Literally.

Stay safe out there everybody, Mueller Memorial definitely does NOT want to see you this weekend.