At Mueller Memorial, we know the holidays can be a tough time of year especially if you're experiencing grief, so we're presenting 12 short videos over 12 days to give you practical and easy tips that'll help guide you through the holidays. So, here we go...

Day 1 - Write a List

Shopping, parties, baking, wrapping, sending cards…it can all catch up with you. It’s time to prioritize. Looking at your calendar, make a list of all the things you’re planning to do this season, circle only the things you NEED to do. Then decide that all the other things are optional. People will understand if you’re no up for a full schedule this year.

Day 2 - Make a Memorial Display

Day 3 - Buy a Gift

While doing your holiday shopping, buy a gift for your lost friend or family member. Find something that they would’ve liked or that reflects their personality and passions, then donate that gift to someone in need. Not only are you making someone else’s holiday brighter, but you’re including your loved one in your holiday shopping traditions.

Day 4 - Rest

Get some good sleep. Ideally 7+ hours per night. If thoughts of grief make falling or staying asleep difficult at night, do your best to plan some afternoon rest time in your schedule (there’s no shame in naps). Also consider establishing a 30-minute pre-bedtime routine to help your mind and body wind down. Eliminating screen time during the hour before bed is also helpful.

Day 5 - Talk About Them

Many times people you see at social events will avoid bringing up your lost friend or family member. Generally this is not because they want to forget or ignore your loss, but rather are afraid of upsetting you. If you talk about your loved one first, especially, by name, it lets others know that you’re okay with talking about them and that they can talk about them too.

Day 6 - Record Holiday Memories

We all know that over time memories start to fade. While the holiday memories of your lost family member or friend are still vivid in your mind, set aside some time to write them down. If a memory strikes you unexpectedly, make a quick reminder note in your phone or on a piece of paper to write about it later. Then commit the memories to a book or video, this way you can reflect on those memories for years to come.

Day 7 - Plan a Memorial Activity

Holiday celebrations are steeped in tradition and ceremony. For your holiday gathering, plan a memorial activity in which everyone can participate.

This could be as simple as lighting a candle and sharing a prayer or can be as involved as making personalized memorial tree ornaments and hanging them. Traditions like these can be a way to actively share and support each other.

Day 8 - Consider What You'll Miss

Take some time to consider or visualize the moments you’ll miss your lost friend or family member the most. Is there a special holiday tradition of which they were and integral part?

If you think of these specific moments in privately, in advance, you’ll likely be better prepared for those moments when they happen. But remember, when they do happen it’s still okay to get emotional at that time.

Day 9 - Prepare for Questions

Your friends and family are genuinely concerned about how you’re doing. It helps to prepare specific answers for questions like, “how are you holding up,” and “is there anything I can do to help?”

Consider how your answers will be different if you’re asked by an acquaintance, relative, or best friend. Being ready will help you give a more honest answer rather than having to say that things are “fine.”

Day 10 - Manage Expectations

There is a lot of pressure for the holidays to be perfect. If you're experiencing grief you're already carrying a big burden, so set reasonable expectations for the season.

Not everything will be merry, bright, or full of joy, and it's unreasonable to expect them to be. So maybe this year temper your expectations for how you'll feel at holiday celebrations or events.

Day 11 - Give and Receive Hugs

Meaningful touch is an essential part of human communication. Support can be expressed and received through a pat on the shoulder, holding a hand, or embracing.

The physical and psychological benefits of touch are well documented and simple contact can, in very real and tangible way, remind someone that they’re not alone. Be open to respectful, meaningful touch.

Day 12 - Feel Gratitude

It’s okay to find joy in the things for which you’re thankful. Feeling happy at moments during the holidays doesn’t mean you don’t miss your friend or family member and it’s nothing to feel guilty about. If you have a moment of gratitude and joy, do your best to enjoy it. You deserve it.

If you’re finding gratitude hard to come by, try writing down three good things every night that you’re grateful for, then starting the next day by reading that list. This practice can help usher in some good thoughts everyday.

We wish you a warm and memorable holiday...